RE: dee in submision pain an suffering

mine all started after i was rushed to hospital after drinking to much when mum died,,i had a catheter put in,,but never peed right since had to sit down no pressure,,13 years sitting,,on a day i feel ok i got pressure ,,anyway they did it to me im sure ,,then i had an injection vacs which is known by nurses to devastate your life if you are unlucky ,i was treated with another drug which is controversial ,i feel like the docs dont think im telling the truth ,,but ive gone from a jack the lad here buzzing there to an hermit,,,some ones got it in for me,,also spread lies an such why ive been down,,anyway 44,444 i been thinking its a punishment but i dont know,,what to do my groin kidneys are killing me an my mind is 100 percent paranoid so it carnt be good,,444 upside down gets me worried,,one moment i think im getting better only to be hammered again,,i think i am in pre hell going to hell soon,,docs dont believe me but people have seen ,i only go out when i can muster strength an on them days i can go quiet far,,what to do?? i pray evry night have seen stuff,,ive accused of being poisoned ,,i have an unckle whos very rich an they swore they would get me as they said when i was a younger because i was a rebel a little rebel i stressed my mum to death she died at 68 osteo perosiss an other things but these 2 free mason uncke hated me an always said i was evil,,to my mum which upset her,all mums family died way younger